dearest ernest,

I know that quite some time ago you slipped away from me.  I know you still love me, but the distance was there and growing.  Lately,  I have had the more disturbing feeling that I am now slipping away too.  I have had a few quiet moments this evening to ponder this.  Moving forward, starting new chapters, all comes with a price.  I am moving forward, but the price is sad.  I seem to have a memory playing through my mind today and it is of two best friends and soul mates who delighted in each other and the world they lived in. We laughed, loved, memorized every detail and held hands till the dark. We played. We laughed. We cried and we held hands. Those were the moments of my life.
I know that is going away and I do not totally understand why. I used to see something spectacular and want to share it with you.  Now, my thoughts travel somewhere else.  Is this what happens?  Does love fade?  Has this already been what you accepted?  Did you find a replacement?  Why could something so wonderful, so spectacular, so divine be going away from me?
I know that I always felt deserving of love and that love does present itself again in the universe.  I am not unhappy with a new love, just finding it so difficult to wonder how a love as great as ours slipped through my fingers. As I move forward, I am fully present in the knowledge of all I learned from you.  Were you in my life to teach me how to accept great love?  Were you there to teach me how to find joy in the journey?   Were you in my life to teach me how to be loved and accept love more fully?   It is so goofy… I always thought so much of myself that I thought I was there for you.  Now, I am humbled and know that you were there for me.  Thank you. I am on the journey…moving forward…

It is like my life journey had a seat next to me on a train.  I guess – the part that surprises me is that I thought we would sit together for the end of the ride.